Certainty
Watched the movie "Conclave" last night. There was pivotal moment where the main character gave a sermon centered around the idea of certainty, and his "fear" of it.
He said "Certainty is the great enemy of unity ... the deadly enemy of tolerance ... if there was only certainty and no doubt, thee would be no mystery and therefore no need for faith."
There is great religious context to this, of course, as the movie is about the fictional account of electing a new pope. But I would like to think about this in broader terms here.
I have often sought certainty in my life. Along with no room for doubt, certainty is a form of finality or completeness. Paralysis set in when "not knowing" threatens progress, or even getting started."
In my early career as a newspaper reporter, I was obsessed with trying to tell a "complete" story. I couldn't help but think about all of the details that I may have missed or may never even be aware of. I was afraid of being seeing as a fraud.
When learning something new, I want the approach to be formulaic: First do this, then do this, and here is why, etc. Think about how boring art would be if the learning and creation of it were strictly structured. But open-ended interpretation creates anxiety for me!
A couple of spaces that have helped me in this regard are my web-based side projects and boat restoration hobby.
I have made many websites, tools and apps. And I have started but failed to finish even more. And only a few things overall could be considered "successes." But I could have never only made the successes without having failed so many times. The failures were practice. They were attempts. I've never made anything perfect or complete. And just because I have made a successful project doesn't mean everything else I make will be. I am certain I will fail again!
When researching how to tackle a job on a boat, more opinions than answers tend to come up. It can be frustrating to think you know how to proceed to only find contradicting suggestions. While there are wrong ways to do things, there usually end up being many right ways. It can be tough for me to dive into a project without a complete plan. But the more I find myself embracing the unknown and learning as I go, subsequent tasks go smoother as I approach them with more confidence – not certainty.
Sometimes I have to fix mistakes, redo something or accept a less-than-perfect result. But it is all part of the process. And there is no way to get to the end without every step in the process, where doubts exist. I believe in myself, but I am not certain of anything. I must be willing to continue on with doubt as my companion.
Without doubt, we limit ourselves to our own certainties. That is where learning, progress and improvement cease to exist. There is so much out there to be uncertain of.